Episode 69 – Emotional Intelligence with Laura Leigh Clarke

Laura Leigh dropped additional nuggets of sales and marketing goodness in the EXTENDED Interview. Be sure to click here to access all of our great extended interviews, transcripts and more within our Insider's Club.

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Hey! Laura Leigh Clarke here. In case you’re wondering what on earth I do and how I can help you, here it is in a nutshell: I’m the business coach and mentor to the heroes of the entrepreneurial revolution.

That’s right.

In other words, I work with Movers and Shakers who want to transition (profitably) out of “working to pay the bills” and into doing what lights them up!

And helping them make a shed-load more cash doing it.

This could mean getting out of a business that is draining you, and that no longer holds any magic, or expanding what you’re already doing into a more lucrative model or enterprise.

So whether you’re a book keeper who wants to start your own tech consultancy, or a consultant who wants more leverage than trading time for money – or even in a 9-5 and wanting to live the laptop-on-the-beach dream, odds are, I’m your gal.

Podcast Transcription

Brian Basilico: All right, guys. I'm here with a great guest. Her name is Laura Leigh Clarke and today we're going to be talking about using emotional intelligence in your business. How are you doing today, Laura?

Laura Leigh Clarke: Hey, Brian. Yes, all good, lovely to be here.

Brian: Awesome. I love your accent. Where are you from?

Laura Leigh: I'm from the UK.

Brian: Love that.

So tell us a little bit about you and how did you go from being a physicist to somebody that helps people deal with emotions in business.

Laura Leigh: It's a great question, Brian. It was a convoluted track. I started off in physics, I went into physics originally to uncover the mysteries of the universe. I ended up coming out of physics because I wanted to uncover the mysteries of the universe. What I realized was going down the route that I was going, I was getting into increasingly abstract layers of mathematics in an area called string theory and I wasn't actually getting to the fundamentals of what's really going on. It was all very speculative and stuff and I thought, “Okay, at some point, something has to shift here because what's the use of having a theory if we can't bring it back to practice?” As you may be aware with physics, we can describe things, model things at the very, very small as in sub-atomic particles and things at the very, very large scale like the movements of galaxies.

But we have a problem in getting these two theories to mesh up in between and so I went out of physics and into the world of sales and then linked to business to try and find, is there way of playing some of the concepts and understandings that we were gleaning in physics and bring that down to land in something that we can tangibly use?

Brian: And at one point you also were doing criminal profiling. Is that true?

Laura Leigh: Absolutely. As I said, convoluted. So yes, I did an internship in criminal profiling and one of the things that I since realized – in criminal profiling we have three different things that we profile: one is the crime scene, one is the victimology and the other is that the perpetrator, the unsub. If you know two of them, then you can make deductions about the third and vice versa. What we find with entrepreneurs is you can take a look at the crime scene which is their business, you can take a look at their personalities which are known quantities and you can deduce what kind of results that they're going to get. So there are these mappings between the three and sometimes playfully with my clients I'll talk to them about their crime scene as in their business as a way of doing a forensic investigation to see what's come on stuck and what we can do to fix it. Yes, criminal profiling has a lot to do with helping entrepreneurs succeed.

Brian: That's incredible. Love it!

Let's get down to basics. We all have emotions, we're all in business, we're doing our thing, how do emotions hold people back in their business? What kind of things do you see?

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Laura Leigh: Right. Well, emotions are everything and it's bizarre because there's a whole gamut of emotions that we should experience as human beings. In fact I use this prosperity spectrum which maps everything from what we call the destructive emotions through to the constructive ones and beyond. I think one of the fundamental questions behind whether someone will succeed in business or not, has an awful lot to do with self-esteem. So we can take someone with very high self-esteem and put them into almost any environment and they'll do very well. Someone with low self-esteem, we could put them in the best environment ever, we could put them into a thriving business and whatever happens they will orientate the things around them to come into alignment with the low self-esteem and cause a collapse.

This is why I say that the owner of the business, they're the person that has their finger on the pulse and just calling the shots, it's absolutely crucial to the life or death of their business. So when they can get their stuff and gear, the fundamental self-esteem, then everything else will swell from that.

Brian: Awesome.

So what are some of the biggest roadblocks that you see that are stopping people from achieving their success?

Laura Leigh: Well, some of them, I like to call it limiting beliefs because that's what it comes back to. When I use the phrase “limiting beliefs,” it can encompass things like the negative emotions, things from childhood that are causing them back, repeating patterns and a lot of the time we think that we don't have any kind of control over this because we were born, we grew up and we were exposed to the environment that we're exposed to, and we kind of think of ourselves as blocks that have already been carved and there's nothing we can do about it. Hopefully we'll talk about this in a moment, is that there are tools and techniques that you can use to reshape that block to get rid of what some people would call personality flaws. But at the deeper level, the thoughts, feelings and emotions that are holding us in these stuck patterns and by releasing those, we then free ourselves up to experience greater freedom of thought and feeling, and then be able to choose the outcomes that we go about and create.

Brian: So based on all the things you just said, are there some basic tips that you can offer that will help people get beyond those blocks and overcome some of those childhood emotions and things like that?

Laura Leigh: Yes, absolutely. I would say the first thing is awareness. Becoming aware of repeated patterns – I'll just take this away from the business environment for a moment just so that it's a nice easy example to understand. You know those scenarios where you have girls who would date the same guy and the guy will be really [rotten] to her and then she swaps out that guy and gets another one and it's same guy, but just a different person, a different name – those are patterns that are running because that girl has got certain traits that she's either looking for or certain experiences that she want to feel again, and again, and again.

So the first thing is to become aware of these patterns. What kind of patterns are you experiencing with clients? Do you always get pushed down on your rates? Do you find that people take advantage of you? Do you find that you're always over work no matter how much work you have coming in? Once we can identify those patterns, then we're going to position awareness and control. We can put ourselves back into the driving season, say, “Okay, so it's not my fault.” Not from the blaming and shaming stunts, “But it is my responsibility to take some control of this and say, “Okay, how am I now going to go and fix it?” But awareness is the first step.

Brian: You have some really great points and I know that I get emotional in my business. If somebody stiffs me, I get angry and I want revenge, or there are people that don't just pick you out of a bunch of other people that you're trying to do proposals on. It can really take a toll, but you really don't think about it because you're so ingrained in the fact that business is business and this is the way it is.

So what are some of the most common mistakes that you see people making as far as their emotions in business? Back when you're working with the traders, what kind of things did you help them understand that helped them to overcome some of their problems and fears?

Laura Leigh: That's a great question, Brian, actually because I think the common things are that believing that what's going on is real. It's real in a sense that yes, it's time to [inaudible] and there are consequences and you got to deal with that. But it's not about the things that are going on out there, it's never about the proposal that you lost or the client that's trying to stiff you or whatever. Because if you come from this other paradigm that we are in control of our emotions and that we're in control of the world around us, then we can start to say, “Okay, well, what pattern am I running that keeps creating these scenarios? What is it that I'm thinking and feeling and how am I behaving that keeps bringing up these unhealthy or unwanted situations?” Once we get to that point, you can start deconstructing it and almost releasing the emotional pattern that's there and freeing you up to experience what you actually do want rather than what you don't want.

But I think the common mistake that goes on is when people believe that it's all about that proposal that they lost, or that one client that is causing them a problem, when really it's not – it's about the emotional pattern that the individual is running more than anything else.

Brian: And that totally makes sense, too.

You're in the heat of the battle. What are some of the pattern interrupts that you recommend that people do? Deep breathing? Go out and have a drink? What do you suggest that people do to stop themselves and get control of the situation?

Laura Leigh: There are those standard things, but I would back up a little bit and say, “Okay, if you know that you're doing these things and you have that degree of self-awareness, then there's actually a lot more that you can do before you get into that situation. Because lets face it, Brian, if we were in that situation in the heat of the moment, we're limited in terms of the amount of resources that we have available to us cognitively. When you're stressed out, the last thing you want to be doing is remembering, “Well Laura says you got to count to 10 or take a deep breath.” It's a point of failure and what we want to do is kind of set ourselves up for success. So what I tend to suggest people do is that they do the emotional releasing on an issue way before they get into the heat of the moment.

I've got one client at the moment and he's talking about how when he's feeling really stressed out, he'll start to stuff food and eat a lot and he'll be chewing all the time because he's so stressed out. He's always been trying to fix it from in the moment and it hasn't work obviously for years, and years, and years. So what I suggested was he did the emotional releasing exercises on the issue of stuffing and not wanting to feel his emotions and a whole layer of stuff underneath that as well. He did that before he gets into that scenario and I have him do like 20 minutes a day on this clearing exercise and what he's found is that he's more aware when he goes into that mode of feeling stressed, so he doesn't have to resort to the habits and the strategies that were previously craving him.

Brian: Laura Leigh, that's some great stuff.

Now, what I really want to know is I want some detailed tips about how can I overcome some of these blocks? How do I find a way to push them out of the way so that I can really understand my true potential?

Laura Leigh: Cool. Okay, Brian – and I love the way you ask that because the answer lies in the question there. You asked, “Okay, how do I push these blocks out of the way?” I think what we do in awful lot in our world today is we do a lot of pushing. Do you find that during the day, that you end up pushing things [inaudible] and trying to push proposals through and trying to push to make things happen?

Brian: Yes.

Laura Leigh: Yes. So what I'd say is stop pushing because it's hard work. It's absolutely exhausting. I think we're having a shift in the way that we do business, the way that we operate collectively and we're coming away from this need to have to push things. Actually, this can be a very internal process. So once we recognize the block and we've talked a little bit about our awareness and shining our awareness onto the things that are becoming regular sticking points, once we can look at those blocks, the next thing to do is to really feel that and feel it as a pushing.

Let's take the thing about a proposal being rejected or going to someone else who you don't think deserved it. If you can start to become inwardly aware of the sensations that you feel when you think about that event, then you can start to run the process where we notice the heaviness and allow the heaviness to leave. Now, the thing that I find that people struggle with the most, especially in the traditional business sense in the corporate world is that we're so detached from our feelings and our sensations in our body that we find it very difficult to tune into that level of awareness to be able to allow that release to happen.

What we need to do really is to first stop noticing our feelings and what the sensation feels like. You talked about anger earlier. If you can notice what it feels like to be angry, most people register that they're angry by the thoughts that they have and they go, “Oh, yes, I just know that I'm angry.” And they go through all the reasons why they deserve to be angry. But what we want to do is flip that around and turn it inward on ourselves and notice what is that sensation of feeling angry. Just in being aware of it, what happens is that we find the emotions start to dissolve. So no longer do we have a block that we have to push through because we're just allowing it to evaporate.

Brian: Makes sense. So do you have any tools or things that you recommend people? Books, any online stuff, any evaluation, assessments, things that people can use, just get their arms around this?

Laura Leigh: Yes, absolutely. There are lots of modalities to do this kind of emotional work. I think we were talking earlier about EFT, the tapping is one, the Sedona Method, the energy clearings, anything that takes you inward. Meditation can be good. I like the passionate meditation because it has you kind of scanning the body and firstly paying attention to your breathing and then scanning the sensations that are going on in the body, but there are other forms of meditation, or people think that they're doing meditation where they just bury in their heads and trying to stop their thoughts. That's really not very productive or useful in what we're trying to do here. So yes, there is all kinds of modalities out there and just a quick Google can help you looking at some of those as options.

Brian: We figure out our blocks, we use these tools and I love the meditation thing of getting the selfawareness and calming down. I know a lot of very successful people that do that. One of the things that being an entrepreneur means is finding freedom. Freedom in yourself, freedom in your business, freedom in your time, your family, life and stuff like that. How have you seen people measure success with overcoming these blocks? What happens and what kind of things are they doing? When do you see that breakthrough where people really start to take off?

Laura Leigh: Wow! Okay. I've got tons of examples. To begin with, when you start doing this work, the first thing that you'll notice is you'd just feel better and that you'll feel less stress because you'll also stop pushing emotionally internally. The next thing people tend to notice is that where things seem to happen in their favor, so strange opportunities kind of prop up, they feel more guided, they can tap into their creativity and their intuition more easily. And then what starts to happen is that weird sums of money could have start to come into play – they'll have tax refunds, they'll have money dropping in there on new clients and it's all because they've let go of the limiting beliefs about they're deserving of having money and they're deserving of having a thriving business.

With that gone, then there's nothing to stop them from creating that intention and pulling that into their experience. It's bizarre. I've had clients that just start doing this and then a week later they've manifested $6,000. I have one girl, she did one self-esteem exercise, just once and we'd have like a 20- minute conversation and she went from being the general [inaudible] in the company to being one of their directors in cutting on profit and they gave her the title of production manager.

I've had people email me from the groups and this is where they haven't even had like one-to-one contact and they've had PPI refunds, their significant other has gone and got a pay rise, they've managed to set up their own business and start doing things and it's been effortless, and easy, and they've let go of all of the struggle. We could tally up the number of people that have had $20,000 that they've created in their business because they have the business set up, but it's the money that started to come in as a result of them just letting go and allowing it to happen.

Brian: Wow! So mindset really does have a huge impact on business. Right?

Laura Leigh: Absolutely. If you think about it, even on a very tangible level, the decisions that you make on a day-to-day basis are always affecting the mechanics of what's going on in the business. So they're going to affect the outcomes and the results. But if you take that several stages further and look at what you're even subconsciously doing, then the vibes that you're sending out, the confidence that you're portraying to your potential clients or to your staff, all of that has a knock-on ripple effect, which will then determine what results that you get back.

Brian: Fantastic. You have a system that's going to help people to get their arms around this to evaluate, to help them move forward and wouldn't we all like to earn extra $20,000? Can you explain and tell us a little bit about your system?

Laura Leigh: Yes, absolutely. I have a toolkit that's all ready to go and I'm going to share that with you as well because there were several elements to it. The first thing is to stop doing the things that are off profile for you and start doing things that are in your flow. So you need to work out where your entrepreneurial flow is and do more of that thing. Then there are elements like releasing the money blocks, the negative beliefs that you have around money or success and there are meditation tracks in there to help you do that. But basically what we're wanting to do is to be able to set an intention and then get rid of all the obstacles to having that intention manifest and there's a strategic way of doing that [inaudible]. The entry point to that would be the toolkit that we're going to share.

Brian: Awesome. Laura Leigh, this has been great. There is a lot of great information, it gives you a lot to think about and I think people are going to really at least look at their own emotions, look at their business and looking at their blocks. I've studied some of the stuff and I know it works. Mindset is everything in business, but a lot of times, people, they just don't have the right mindset to be successful.

So if people wanted to contact you, what's the best way for them to get a hold of you?

Laura Leigh: Mostly through either my website or they can email me directly. The website is Prosperityqm.com, or they can just email me directly at Laura@Lauraleighclarke.com.

Brian: It's proper over in the UK, obviously.

Laura Leigh: We stick to right way.

Brian: Of course it is. Hey Laura, thank you so much for joining us. This has been fabulous. I know my audience is going to get a lot out of it and I really appreciate you being on the podcast.

Laura Leigh: Oh, Brian, thank you so much for having me. It's just been a blast. You're awesome

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